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This topic has matured in me for a long time and has not fully matured yet, but I feel that I need to get involved in the battle, and then we'll see.

First I dealt with laziness. Today I deal with deceit. While laziness was alone, she was just laziness. Now there are two of them, and I see this as the formation of my version of the list of deadly sins.

If I endured laziness in my own skin, then I never really suffered from deceit, but I always reacted very strongly to its manifestations in those around me.

On the light side of the force

My grandfather was an ideal communist. He accepted the communist ideology absolutely, and in a constructive sense. Most of his life he worked in the design office as a chief engineer. Invented several electronic devices for trains, by the way. In those days, doing something for the good of the USSR was cool, almost like doing a rap now. If there had been an Internet then, my grandfather would have thrown everyone in the Contact's personal message "I invented semiconductor diodes on silicon crystals, check it out!". The credo of his blog would be "What did you invent today for tomorrow?" :) Okay, let's not branch off. nine0005

As a child, I often listened to his stories. Before meals, during meals, after meals, after school, when I was sick, when I was healthy, before going to bed - in short, at any free time slot, I came to him and asked something, and over time, my requests were reduced to "Grandfather, tell me something". And my grandfather told me.

And every story, and I understood it only recently, several years after his death, - carried something . These were not just interesting cases. These were interesting cases that taught me like fairy tales or parables, but the coolest thing is that initially my grandfather did not lay anything like that! My grandfather wasn't Master Yoda, wasn't Morpheus, and wasn't an old master teaching a Padawan. He simply lived as he lived and broadcast his filling (his worldview) to the world around him. He radiated his world view as the sun radiates light waves. A huge proportion disappears, scattering in space, but a part is captured by objects that need this light like air. Light is as necessary as air. Said. nine0005

So, if my grandfather was the Sun, then I was his Earth. He just shone, and I just caught it. I took 90% of my filling (values, beliefs, identity) from these stories and just from his behavior. In fact, he was my father.

• -Luke... I am your father!

And one of the constantly broadcast values ​​was honesty. For example, the various stories he told regularly featured people stealing from the factories where they worked - down to nuts or light bulbs - items too cheap to steal. And he constantly made these thieves look like idiots. He did them black PR and, of course, I experienced the strongest disrespect towards them. nine0005

He presented their stories in such a way that it gradually turned into a meme for us.) He served them in such a way that at first he described how someone stole a nut, and then, 25 years later, he fell asleep on the rails and his legs were cut off .)

I remember very well how he constantly laughed, and not simply, but as they say now "patstalom". He laughed to tears. Yes, my grandfather loved to neigh! :) And, for some reason, he mostly did it in the kitchen at dinner, judging by my recollections. And since his tonsils were removed, during laughter, food constantly fell into him "in the wrong throat" (this is his explanation, and he began to cough, spitting pieces of borscht on the walls of the kitchen and other household members to the cries of his grandmother on the topic "Who will wash walls? ". True, they often laughed together, and then there were fewer screams, and more laughter. And the walls were dirtier after that. What am I talking about.) In addition, I already saw a clear connection between the fact that he was no one does not lie, does not steal anything from anyone, and his ability to enjoy life and be positive. He was open and clean as a baby. There was no second bottom! Despite the fact that by the age of 45 both of his knee menisci burst (thanks to poor nutrition and sports for this), and he walked on straight legs. Also omit two heart attacks. And yet he was one of the happiest people I knew! His laughter was sometimes compared to mine in its nonchalance. Yes, I used to know how to laugh when I was a kid. nine0005

Against this background, the same grandmother and mother could not withstand any criticism. They lied to me, they lied to each other, they persuaded me to participate in their nonsense, they lied to others in front of me - in short, they brought to life all combinations of nonsense, as if they were passing a term paper on lies to Dr. Lightman himself. And just as clearly as I saw the connection between the truthfulness of my grandfather and his cheerfulness, I saw how the deceitfulness of my mother-grandmother keeps them in constant tension. Their behavior was constantly double bottomed, I constantly felt double standards. Everything was double, like capacitor plates. And it is not surprising that a frenzied tension was created between them, destroying them. I simply had no choice - naturally, I was drawn to the truth and the positive. On one side of the scale is Darth Vader, whose religion is communism, and on the other, petty women, whose religion is false doublethink. nine0005

Maybe if everyone in my family were liars, I would never see the bright side of the force and would become a liar too. But it so happened that I had the opportunity to compare, and the comparison was not in favor of the forces of evil.

Genesis of nonsense

Where does nonsense behavior come from? We are all born tabula rasa. No reflexes, except for basic technical ones (suck, swallow, grab, fart, etc.). No behavior programs. And then others do something and bam, he is 15 years old and he looks into your eyes and frankly lies, both on trifles and on important issues. What actions of others (parents, friends, teachers, neighbors) led to this? nine0005

It's obvious to me that I haven't had these actions in my life since I'm not lying. So it's hard for me to talk about it. It is easy for me to talk about the mechanisms of smoking - because I have gone through them inside and out. And here I did not pass "from and to". I immediately entered the "after" phase.

Lying is behavior, and behavior is described with the help of reflexes, so I put the question this way: what is the most important reflex in the question of nonsense? What reflex do those who lie have that those who tell the truth don't have?

Watching people and digging into my childhood, I found one interesting pattern. Let's say the parents are at work, and the child breaks the TV set or the window. At 10 years old, this is serious. :) I remember my childhood. Once upon a time, I was small too. It's scary to remember. And like any petty thing, I soaked various obscene things. And of course, after n soaked things, I knew the typical reactions of all relatives. The typical reaction of the mother-grandmother was "Freak. Right now, I'll pour you!". In other terms, yes. The grandfather's typical reaction was "Well, he broke and broke. Who doesn't happen to. Let's make / buy a new one. Be careful in the future." nine0005

Negative reinforcements from mother-grandmother and positive reinforcements from grandfather. The key point is that these reinforcements were reinforced not by me breaking windows, but by talking like that. From here, the legs of the problem of lies grow. When a person comes to you to share the secret, and you told him, "Well, you're an asshole, what do you want? I told you that it would be so. You should have listened to me." And even if you are a thousand times right - but this speech is a negative reinforcement that will discourage a person from sharing anything with you in the future. nine0005

In such conversations, reinforcers do not affect the behavior that happened, but the desire to talk with this particular person.

When I realized this moment, I leveled out of the blue! I began to consciously track these moments in other people and realized that this is how it works. For example, a guy realized that his girlfriend gained a lot of extra weight, although she still believes that she is a cat.

And he tries to tell her softly or not softly about it. She gives him a muzzle with an oar, a voice like that of a housing and communal services worker, and a speech like “Oh, you foul. What a snake I warmed, it turns out. Although no, I overdid it. The speech will be simpler and dumber - "There must be many good women" or "You are not Jared Leto either, you know." Well, crossed arms, look like shit and related behavior for three days. Classic negative reinforcement. nine0005

Next time, his desire to tell the truth and generally talk about things that worry him will be weaker. The weaker, the stronger was the negative reinforcement. Humans differ from animals in that they can learn from the first time - so sometimes one such conversation can be enough. And that's it, the guy will no longer tell her about her weight, but she will gradually turn into an opera singer, and the guy will lose interest in her and one day he will leave, or he will continue to accept her as she is, and he will have to score on his own. desires (to live with a girl who is healthy physically and mentally :), and he will become a loser. Everywhere collapse at the end. In all variants. nine0005

The same with smoking.

-Dude, why are you smoking?

Blablabla.

-Do you understand that this is harmful and in a loser way? Drop something already. Be a man.

- I want and I smoke! Don't tell me what to do and I won't tell you where to go! And so on.

And gradually you stop making attempts to reason with a person, and he is left alone with his incipient lung cancer.

This is how people are stopped by fears. You are afraid that you will be yelled at and insulted for your truth and are silent. Or you're screwing up. Who breshet - renounces himself. Any nonsense is a sign of weakness. If you're lying, then you can't tell the truth. You are afraid. If you could, you would, because when you say what you think and do what you really want, you live your life. You reinforce your Self. This is part of what is called Being You. Telling the truth is a necessary ingredient to being yourself. nine0005

I entered this path after the third verse of the Spectators. I haven't written personal songs before. It was very difficult for me to say "I ..." and then say what I really think. About what I really think, and not a lyrical hero.

Quit smoking, started smoking, quit, started...

Explained the reasons, got angry, broke down, swearing to invest in the routine,

Swinging, running in the morning, not turning into a slave... pull out these lines and pronounce them in front of people. These are all my faults and weaknesses. It's not hard to talk about something you don't care about. Try to talk about what makes you sausage. Something you haven't figured out yet, something you're not sure about. It takes courage. I did it and this step leveled me. I stopped hiding behind topics that are interesting to me, but in which I was not. I stopped hiding behind lyrical heroes. For creativity, this may not be the best period - many people already tell me that I'm just fucked with his topics about personal development, they say that I need to write all this in a blog, and write normal songs. Yes, I agree with this. For creativity, this my levelap turned out to be ambiguous. But as a person, this is definitely a breakthrough for me. The fact is that I use creativity to develop myself. I do not use myself to create creativity. Creativity is my means.

The secret of education

Okay, let's go back to my grandfather :) He always supported the truth positively! This is his secret of education. And thanks to my mother and grandmother for helping me understand this. They helped by always supporting my stories about any slag in a negative way and thus providing a background for comparison. nine0005

They said:

- Two in Russian? This is to be expected! All day long you hang around with a fat one, but you sit at the consoles! Look, Olezhka, your two hundredth cousin, only a year older than you, and already winning the Olympiad. Or do you want to be like your sixth cousin Lena? He's a year younger than you, and already works as a shit-cleaner! Not a damn thing will come of you!

It's clear what I felt when I was 10 years old, when they told me something like that.)

My grandfather said:

- Two in Russian? How did it happen, tell me. nine0005

That's magic. Magic begins with questions. :)

And I told how it happened. How are grades obtained at 10 years? I was given a task, and you failed it. And got 2. That's all. Dot. So what. Question. There were no accusations in this question of the grandfather - neither in intonations, nor in words. There was a question in his question. Those. interest. He wanted to understand what happened and how. Because he was interested in how his grandson thinks. How a grandson thinks in such a way that his thinking leads him to twos, and not to fives. Grandfather was an engineer, and he knew how to repair non-working devices, to which he attributed my brain at such moments. ) He answered me what he would do in my place. He asked what I was going to do in this situation. I didn't know what to do and did what he said. And together we made it right. nine0005

Once, it was in the first grade, literally a month after I went to school (1992, mid-October), the teacher, after checking homework at the very beginning of the lesson, got up from the table, came up to me and in in the most difficult terms for the child's psyche, she furiously yelled at me for my handwriting. She screamed that it took her two minutes to make out one word, and that her eyes hurt, and that I did not respect her, and that I was mediocre, and so on. This was my first diss. I have never experienced such cries in my life)) I don’t know how I endured it then, but I endured it, and when I came home, I told my relatives. nine0005

- Well, you're mediocre, - said the grandmother.

- Since the handwriting is bad, let's make it good. Yoda said.

And for 6 hours Yoda and I sat over my handwriting. As in the best American films, the first thing he said was "Forget what you knew up to this point." ) And he showed me another method, a simpler one - to write one letter at a time. I wrote one - I made a tail - I draw another - a tail - a third. And one letter at a time, my handwriting turned out to be very decent. And the next day I handed her homework written in a new handwriting, and a day later she also got up at the beginning of the lesson and said that when she saw my new writing, she cried. From the fact that she did not expect that such a schmuck, which I was then, could jump above her head in a day, she felt embarrassed that she immediately started dissing and then apologized for everything she had said. I consider this the first respect. nine0005

And then it happened many times in a variety of topics. Then I grew up and started fighting with the boys. I came in torn pants with a scratched muzzle, and again my grandmother poured slag on me, in which I was wrong, and again my grandfather asked what happened and how, and told me how to fight correctly. ))

All this is closely connected with the thesis about the environment. The environment makes you. If you are surrounded by losers, they make you a loser. If you are surrounded by masters, they make you a master. I think it is incredibly important to be able to tell the truth and accept it. Even if it's not true in an objective sense, but someone's opinion. You need to be able to accept anyone's opinion, no matter how subjective it would be. If it is, then there is a reason for it, and it is worth finding out. nine0005

The fact is that if you don't know how to accept the truth, then you will pour out negative things on those who will tell you it. And no one likes when they pour negative. Therefore, people who tell the truth will gradually fall off from you, and only liars, chameleons, lickers and other losers will remain.

I think that the main reason for lying is fear. Fear of telling the truth and being beaten for it in the moral sense (and sometimes in the physical sense). Fear of answering for your words. Which is taken either when the words are really worthless (then you don’t have to say them), or simply out of inexperience. When I was evaluating the first tracks sent to me, I also fawned and generously smeared everything with snot. But gradually the understanding came that I was not so much helping as driving. And that if a person does not hit the notes, then he needs vocals, vocals and vocals again. And it doesn't even smell like "normal". nine0005

When I notice that something is preventing me from telling the truth, I start digging and always unearth some hat tied to fear. For fear of looking like a failure.

-Why are you late?

- Cork. (but in fact, he just sat at the computer until the very exit, started getting ready late, could not find things, and so on - loser disorganization)

For fear of hurting a person and getting a strong word for psychological soup.

-You know, I don't like the way you play the drums. Too much iron, plus you miss a meter. You don't suit us. nine0005

-Oga. Said the vocalist, singing on strings and past the notes. Let's goodbye.

And so on.

Why be honest?

Sobsna, yes. What for? Let's steal, lie and vote for United Russia.

Short-term and long-term benefits are usually in apparent conflict. Today you stole and got rich, tomorrow no one wants to do business with you, because everyone knows that you are a thief. Either today you worked well and didn’t get a damn thing, and tomorrow everyone wants to deal with you, because you showed a high class. nine0005

Planning is essential to success. So-so-so, stooop. When did I learn to speak like that?))))))) What else is the "Fundamentals of Economic Theory and Enterprise Management"?))))))) I did not expect it from myself. But damn - is so !

Planning is a look into the future. Athletes build training based on increasing load, based on training cycles, based on the dates of key competitions. You can't become an Olympic champion just by coming to the gym whenever you want. Training should be built in such a way as to be at the peak of form for the Olympics, and without planning this is unattainable. Look at the work of any master, look for planning there and I give you a 100% guarantee that you will find it there. nine0005

So honest behavior does not give immediate gain, but it does bear fruit in the future. The word "fruits" is very appropriate. Honest behavior can be compared to watering a tree, some apple tree. As long as you water it, it will not bear fruit. But when it grows, it will grow and bear fruit by itself, it will no longer need to be watered - it will have enough rain. Or you can steal apples from your neighbor. In the future, only exposure awaits you and nothing more.

By the way. Deception is revealed sooner or later, and not necessarily in an obvious way. You can deceive someone in a question in which you cannot be checked in any way. But then, somewhere, communicating with the deceived person, one way or another, your conviction "you can steal, it's not bad" will break out of you - and according to this miscarriage of the brain, a person can calmly complete the hypothesis that you could once deceive him, or you are deceiving now, or cheat in the future. This is one of the simplest traps, and what I love about it is because of its non-obviousness. I thrive on obscurity. nine0005

A thief and a lie tells you how he robbed and slandered someone, thinking that this will show his disposition towards you. Like, shares the most intimate. But no. )))) It betrays it 100%, presents it on a silver platter! Everything that a person tells about others, he will tell about you. As he treats others, so it will be with you. For me, any negative talk behind my back is a sign that I won’t get close to a person, I won’t have serious business and will push it out of my life as soon as possible and as far as possible. nine0005

So when the deceit is revealed, the deceiver loses a person in his life. And this loss weighs more than any material gain.

Honesty, on the contrary, attracts people. Honesty is trust. It is a necessary ingredient in a quality relationship. Or as I said above ... an integral part. Well, a word, a.)) An integral part! So, qualitative ones are when, at the mere thought of a person, inspiration covers you. You think about him and understand that you can spend the evening with him (regardless of gender) - because you will be interested in him. You will understand each other, because between you there is no bulletproof glass of fears, because of which you will speak nonsense. nine0005

This, of course, is not a topic for one treatise. What is worth only a list of situations where lies will appear in a new guise. In each situation, it will be associated with a bundle of other problems. If everything was simple with laziness - it does not exist, then with a lie everything is more difficult - a lie does not go alone. Now she walks with fears, then with something else.

Take, for example, a typical situation when there is a close person - a girl or a friend who constantly messes up in a certain way, they also constantly tell him about it, and he just as constantly snaps at it and rages. For example, late. For half an hour, for an hour. Because it is poorly organized and starts packing up 10 minutes before the critical exit time (when you have to run to be on time). It turns out that his mobile phone is almost empty - he puts it on charge. It turns out that the shirt is not ironed, and something else turns out, and in general he goes to the shower, then he drinks tea on the path, and then he is 40 minutes late. nine0005

To remain silent about being late is a lie. Because the one who waited, especially if this someone is me) can only think now about this person’s lack of punctuality and that a person who allows such wild jambs will allow other wild jambs - after all, his skill of searching and correcting wild shoals clearly junk. My solution is as simple as the letter T - stop talking to him. This is disrespect for the waiter, this is a disregard for his time. There are more interesting things than coming to the center of Moscow and standing near the metro for 40 minutes. nine0005

Now it's easy for me to talk about it and even easier to do it. It was difficult 8 years ago, when we communicated very closely with one school friend and, on the one hand, in our communication there was a bundle of pluses that demolished the tower for me, and on the other hand, the same bundle of minuses. And it was hard to take and leave it all. My relationship is like a relationship with smoking from the third verse of the Spectators.

Quit smoking, started smoking, quit, started...

Explained the reasons, got angry, broke down,0070